:: drξam ::

Monday, January 07, 2008



I figured it out! I think I figured out what's wrong with me! I've had one of the worst 2-3 weeks of my life and I blamed it on the weather, nixx, pms, anything. But I think I see it now. I'm having a Before-Midlife-Midlife-Crisis.

I am freaked out about my graduation, my need to find a job, get my mom off my back, get my dad off my freedom. Basically I'm stuck in a rut. Where I am now, I only remember hating my life this much once, and that problem suddenly seemed to have solved so easily.

The frustration is unbearable, bringing me to the point where I snap at nearly everything. But I really can't help it. My life feels like its leading nowhere, and I'm stuck in a pool facing all my choices, right and wrong, stupid and smart. Frankly, I feel stupid.

Sometimes in life, it seems easier to conform. Not that it is giving up too much as joy and contentment does come by in that sense. My aspiration is to live above conformity. To make my own lifestyle and let others learn to accept it rather than learning to accept others. Sometimes it seems so easy, my beliefs so clear, whereas other time, I feel the wave of conventionality sweeping over me and the ocean of norm drowning me. Should one give up and consent to this, or live the unpredictable?

I can't answer this question but I know one thing for sure. If I had to choose the latter, I will not be here long.

-n-


C'est la vie...1/07/2008 07:29:00 PM